


A Love That Is So Proud

by L_C_Weary



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Confession In Song, First Kiss, M/M, band au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2019-01-16 05:30:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12336420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L_C_Weary/pseuds/L_C_Weary
Summary: It was easy to forget how Lynch's voice sounded like. He rarely sang in any track, only in the studio.Or more precisely it was hard to remember how it felt. His guitar solos were similar, but they weren't that intimate. Presumably, that's why Ronan preferred to stay out of the direct spotlight.Adam preferring him singing only in studios were a different story. There he never had to look at Ronan, and see he was looking back. Ronan's stare made him feel a buzzing, maddening, suspicious calmness no one should've felt at the presence of Ronan Lynch.





	A Love That Is So Proud

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from Placebo's Loud Like Love.
> 
> Not first language. No beta. You can figure the rest.

It was easy to forget how Lynch's voice sounded like. He rarely sang in any track, only in the studio, at practice only with Gansey present, solely things he wrote himself. More precisely, it was hard to remember how his voice made you feel. For Adam it meant the urge to crawl out of his skin every time he heard it. They were burning words, with poisonous melodies. They made him feel alive, like nothing else could and it scared the life out of him.

Lynch always sounded rough, hard and passive-aggressively vulnerable; Adam felt goose bumps forming on his skin. His guitar solos were similar, but they weren't that intimate. Presumably, that's why Ronan preferred to stay out of the direct spotlight.

Adam preferring him singing only in studios was a different story. There he never had to look at him, watch him, and see he was looking back with eyes that betrayed their owner. They were staring without meaning to get caught, but Lynch never averted his eyes. He was reckless and stubborn. Adam found himself willingly gazing back, almost seeking the heated glance. It had the same affects as alcohol or party drugs without the hangover part. Just buzzing, maddening, suspicious calmness no one should've felt at the presence of Ronan Lynch.

Ronan seemed to hate every song he wrote, probably because it was raw and an open way to acknowledge and talk about his problems. They were about grief, addiction and loneliness in confusingly arranged words, still crystal clear what they supposed to mean. Adam had a suspicion Ronan's superpower was hidden in the way he somehow managed to write things everyone understood differently, feeling it fit their situation, without being superficial or boring.

They were honest songs, confessions even, and with honesty came vulnerability. Ronan hated being weak or helpless almost as much as Adam did. Everyone knew that, especially the only creature being capable of understanding the Snake, Gansey, so he was the most surprised when Ronan said he wanted to sing something on a concert. Of course, not even Noah heard their guitarist sang, not even Blue knew which song Lynch took over. Gansey said Ronan could do it and they accepted it as always.

The show took place at a smaller village, suspiciously Henrietta like, and it was fantastic. It was in the middle of summer, hot and sticky weather, with cool breezes as the night arrived. Noah looked like he was having the time of his life, doing backflips between songs, in the back Gansey being his parental self and worrying. Blue was dancing as she played her keyboard like nothing else mattered. Gansey sang into the microphone lifting the weights on his shoulder by screaming it with the crowd. Ronan was grinning and smirking, which meant he couldn't feel better on stage. Adam was high. Not high on drugs, but high on the fact his almost blank mind could control his fingers on the strings, high on Noah's enthusiasm, high on Blue's and Gansey's lust as they kissed each other, high on the way Ronan winked at him during songs, before his solos got a bit too wild.

Adam almost forgot it was a special occasion; it occurred to him as Gansey started saying his goodbyes which meant one last additional song. Gansey looked at Ronan who nodded with a stiff motion, not smirking anymore. Adam felt his guts tighten. He knew what their addition supposed to be, but he felt he won't be able to do it, simply because Ronan was going to take the lead.

It meant to be a love song, that's how their manager and the media sold it, even though Ronan Lynch never wrote love songs, or any other typical type of melodies for that matter. All his works were chaoses, perfectly structured noises and curse-filled verse beyond explanation why they talk to millions in an extremely personal level.

Still as love songs were advisable to be sung to the crowd, make everyone feel special in some way, Ronan Lynch sang it to the crowd, to himself and to Adam Parrish. Adam Parrish felt like he will die at that place and time, the moment the Snake turned, basically to face him, from a dozen feet away. His heart sped up, his breath got caught somewhere in his throat. He felt like the moments were eternal and he froze in history for the sole purpose of being half mortified, half flattered. While his bass gave the main pulse of the song, it would've been nice to be able to concentrate.

He got flustered the first moment, feeling ashamed for playing such an important part in someone's life, who got fucked by some many others. The Snake probably deserved better, but Adam desperately wanted to be a better version for him, if that was what Ronan wanted, if he wanted him, if he was enough.

He almost forgot to enter in on time. God, he was an amateur when Lynch gazed at him like that. Lynch made him stupid, even though he was definitely singing anything but a love song. The lyrics was the same except a few swear words Ronan improvised – or sang the original version before Gansey changed it to family-friendly – surprising no one, and the melody was rougher in his voice as it would've been performed by Gansey's smooth so called daddy voice. The songs didn't sound like love songs from the Snake's mouth, they never did.

They all knew the track - the band, the crowd - except they knew the studio version, not the emotional roller coaster Ronan made of it. The song supposed to be lustful with slight guilt-tripping, as it was written by Lynch, not some heartbreaking, eye watering, Adam's heart clutching frightful few minutes. Ronan filled the song with an enormous amount of guilt, rage, fear and love.

The audience loved it, they savoured every second of it, feeling it was a once in a life time experience. Adam knew it was. He felt their buzzing and excitement; he became numb and sloppy with it. His throat was dry and his eyes were still watering. Maybe from the lights, maybe from the smoke around them, most likely from Ronan Lynch and his seemingly planned confession. Well, if it was one and Adam wasn't that conceited or delusional.

He felt dizzy from the concert and especially from the attention Ronan gave him, like some perfectly normal thing, band members or friends did with each other. Ronan made it look like being honest was that simple, even if it took courage for Adam to let himself smile at Lynch.

They were getting their last cheers as Gansey stated the band's gratitude for joining them on _this hell of a party_. Adam sought out Ronan's eyes, but the Snake was occupied with untangling himself from his guitar's strap. It was awful. He needed answer about all the things he saw in the way Lynch acted around him.

Gansey signaled to him to take his hand, collecting every one, then bowing before the crowd, clapping thundering in his ears. Ronan was on the other side of Gansey, as they left the stage it was nearly impossible not looking at each other. When Lynch finally sent him a look it wasn't as he expected. It wasn't an answer to any of his question. It was Ronan's own question. A bunch of questions. He had the right to ask for answers as he was brave enough to state them. In front of thousands. Adam might found Ronan Dramatic Lynch wonderful.

"Dude," said Noah jumping up and down in front of Ronan as they strode across the corridor. Adam had to agree. Ronan didn't even slow down. "I know..." Noah smiled with out of breath. "Like, wow... but still," he babbled cheerfully. "You have to sing this again."

"No," came the answer. Noah frowned, stopped playing an overexcited bunny and put his hands on Ronan's shoulder.

"Mate." He looked deep into Ronan's eyes. Gansey already sighed, feeling Lynch's outburst as he passed towels around then kissing Blue with a non-typical intensity. God, he wanted to kiss Lynch like that.

The realization hit him hard and it took him several more seconds to understand he could do it. Or at least try. It was a delirious thought.

"Look, I get everything," Noah tried again, anxiously looking at Adam, behind Ronan's shoulder, "but still..." He looked almost pleading. Probably it was indicated to the Snake, asking not to throw him into a pool. Again. Ronan's muscles tensed under Noah's touch, but made no sound, as he left them behind, basically bypassing Noah without any further explanation.

Fuck, Ronan was leaving. Adam followed as fast as his numb limbs let him, still drying his face and neck along the way, ignoring his other bandmates. Ronan was at the entrance of the shower section when he caught up after a few turns in the quickly darkening building and did what he felt was the most logical and morally acceptable.

He spun Lynch around to face him by grabbing his biceps and pushed him to the wall, following him with his whole body as he kissed him.

It felt like their first concert. It was small and in the big picture meaningless, but it made Adam feel like he mattered, like he finally made it, he made himself unforgettable. It made him calm and excited at the same time.

Adam gripped Ronan's sweat soaked tank top around his hips, as the vicious Snake buried his hand in Adam's messy and sticky hair. It was terrifying and everything he ever wanted in one small moment.

"It could fuck up the band," Adam said panting, basically just to say something before it got awkward, because there was no way they weren't doing this again. Not like Gansey and Blue weren't doing the same.

"I don't give a shit about the band," said Ronan softly, studying Adam's face with every passing moment. His hands were on his neck now, his thumbs slowly caressing Adam's cheeks. He felt his face burning in a sweet way.

Adam almost snorted. Ronan Lynch never lied, his ass. "You're selfish," he said his lips brushing against Ronan's. He didn't mean it, he just wanted a reaction out of Lynch; hopefully he understood he was just playing.

Lynch smirked. "I am," he murmured not even looking up to meet Adam's eyes as he kissed him again.

"No, you are not." The Snake smiled, truly happy for once.

**Author's Note:**

> (For my friends: This is the fandom I wailed about in the school corridor.)
> 
> (Find me on [tumblr](http://answermywearyquery.tumblr.com/).)


End file.
